Choosing silence

One of my flaws is that I choose to be silent and let you assume whatever you want. I know for a fact that communication should be at the top of the list in every relationship, whether it’s a marriage, a friendship, or a working relationship. Communication is one thing I really struggle with; I’d rather keep quiet and walk away peacefully—without giving explanations. I know it’s not a healthy way to live, but come on, I wouldn’t have done that to you if it were me. I’ve discovered that most of the time, I care too much about people, which is why things get to me in ways I don’t expect. So rather than arguing or trying to prove who’s right or wrong, I choose silence.

I had a job interview a couple of weeks ago. At the end of the interview, I was asked what I would love to improve about myself. My answer was very simple: communication. I’m inferior at it; there have been many cases in my life where, rather than defend myself, I chose silence and a que sera, sera attitude in the situation. I sometimes want to express myself or say how I feel, but most of the time I restrict myself, thinking it’s useless. Everyone is an adult, and I believe we all know exactly what we are doing; no one thinks or wants to admit they’re wrong. So when something bad happens during the course of our daily encounters, I assume you know what you’re doing. Whatever I say holds no meaning, except that you might rethink it yourself.

I, for one, when I fall out with someone, usually take time to rethink the whole situation, put myself in their shoes, and try to find my faults in everything. Whenever I’m wrong, I always apologize. Otherwise, I expect them to do the same. If they don’t, I choose silence; if the situation continues to arise or becomes toxic, I walk away peacefully.

I choose silence and walk away not because I’m a coward or because I’m proud of it. The simple reason is that my past actions were horrible; I no longer want to be that person, so I walk away. I’ve been thinking of better ways to resolve conflicts, but choosing silence always does the work for me. Not that I’m proud of it—that’s just me.