It’s getting lonely now.

 Hmmmmmm

For the first time in many years, the idea of building my family is truly appealing to me. The wife of my youth, my little ones-to-be, my sanctuary, and my heart’s work—all of it is starting to make sense now. I’ve always shied away from any conversation about family; not because I don’t want one, but because I feel I’m not ready. There’s so much I need to put in order, and I feel far from the goals I’ve set for myself.


I remember one of my mentors calling me a few months ago to ask about my plans for raising a family. I quickly told him I wasn’t ready—and in truth, I wasn’t. But will I ever be?


Today, I went Christmas shopping. Everyone in the store seemed to have their wives and kids with them, picking out what they needed for the holidays. The place was buzzing with excitement—kids choosing their favorite toys, husbands and wives looking at decorations, laughter and chatter filling the air. Looking at it all—the atmosphere, the moment, the feeling—something stirred in me. For the first time in a long while, I felt a twinge of loneliness. For a brief moment, I daydreamed about going to the store with my little ones, walking side by side with my forever person.


I ended up not buying anything because my heart was on a different wavelength—one I had never really considered. Maybe it’s because most of my friends are getting married this year, maybe because I’ve put up so many Christmas trees, perhaps because I’ll be thirty-one in a few days—or maybe it’s simply the right time to start seeing the bigger picture.


It’s getting lonelier now. I know my reality is far from the dream, but I’ll get there someday. After all the hustle and bustle, we all want a place called home and a family entwined with love. Someday we’ll all get there, but for now, “we will clap for others till it’s our turn.”


Who will marry me? I’m all ready to be yours.



See you tomorrow with ring in my hand…*sideEyes

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